So recently I was called out to operate a Check Simulator session on one of our pilots who is returning to the fleet after a spell on another aircraft type. Since this was a one-off session, he was rostered with another pilot in support. When this occurs I like to make contact with the support pilot, let him/her know what will be involved in the session and ensure the correct details for the session have been passed along.
So I contacted crew control a few nights before and asked them to let me know who the pilot would be when the selection had been made so I could get in contact.
The next morning Crew Control had written back and answered my question with the name of the individual concerned, and added the phrase …
Morning Ken,
It looks like SO XXX XXX has been assigned as support for your Sim.
If you have any more questions, please dont hesitate to ask.
Thank You, Kind Regards, Crew Control
Having received this kind offer, I sat down over breakfast and constructed the 20 questions below. I sent this off to Crew Control, figuring I’d probably get some sort of reply at some point … But it turns out half of Crew Control spent time during the day answering all the questions in details. Fantastic response.
From Ken:
Hello Crew Control – Thanks for the offer! When you have time …
From Crew Control:
We never have time. But we did it anyway! The collective genius minds of Crew Control have answered your questions
1. What’s the answer to the question of Life, The Universe, and Everything? I’m now pretty confident the answer is not 42.
The answer is 42, however the ultimate question is unknown. The Earth was destroyed by a fleet of Volgon demolition ships before it could be deciphered
2. How do you know which armrest at the movies is yours?
Same principles as on an aircraft. Is the person next to you either a) bigger than you, or b) attractive? Then its theirs.
3. How come there no “B” batteries?
There are, or at least used to be. They were used to send a positive charge to the plate to attract the electrons from the filament in a vacuum tube, most commonly used to radios. These batteries were usually high voltage (up to 90V). The more you know.
4. When a mime gets arrested, do they still tell him he has the right to talk?
If a mime speaks, they cease to be a mime, which would then mean the police officer has not given them their rights. The officer is then in clear violation of policy, and therefore must let the mime go free. Those mimes. Criminal masterminds.
5. When the Enterprise goes to warp – how come you can hear it when there’s no sound in space?
If warp isnt accompanied by a crescendo written be John Williams, its not worth watching. (Thats right! We are saying that Star Trek sucks)
6. Why is “fun size” the smaller version of chocolate??
Its the chocolate industrys attempt at encouraging exercise ? there is energy expended when picking up the second (and third, and forth, and fifth) fun size bar
7. Is it still a crop circle if it’s square?
The aliens that create the crop circles have ocular nerves that are incapable of seeing angles, hence the perfect circles they create.
8. When something is new AND improved – what’s it improving on?
Well they cant say New and exactly the same can they? Who would buy it?
9. When the sim broke last week, who was the first guy to break it (I hear he works in Crew Control?)
If a sim breaks, but no one is present because a support could not be found, is it really broken?
10. Do bald chefs have to wear hair nets?
As a result of workplace diversity and inclusion, yes, all chefs must wear hair nets regardless of follicle status.
11. Why is the “Lone” Ranger always with Tonto – and two horses?
The Lone Ranger was a figment of Tontos imagination ? the guy he always wanted to be. Tonto was autistic and didnt like company, hence the Lone moniker.
12. If Wile E Coyote had enough money to buy all the ACME stuff – why doesn’t he just buy dinner?
Roadrunner is the CEO of ACME Corp, and is punishing Wile E for picking on him in high school. One of the unseen inventions of ACME is molecular regeneration, which is why Wile E never dies ? he just suffers immensely. Roadrunner takes great pleasure in this.
13. Why is yawning contagious?
Others subconsciously see yawning as someone trying to suck in more oxygen. A fight-or-flight response occurs, and more often than not, the yawn continues as everyone fights one another for air.
14. What happens if Pioncchio says “my nose is going to grow now.”?
Pinocchio experiences a time/space paradox, and collapses into dark matter. Theres a 23% chance of this collapse triggering a chain reaction, which would cause the end of the universe.
15. Why do Americans drive on parkways and park on driveways?
It is not very well known that in 1607 when the British colonized American one of their first village planners was secretly illiterate and a little bit dyslexic and confused the two. This is also the little known reason why they drive on the opposite side of the road.
16. Why do we say the Alarm Clock “went off” when actually it it’s the reverse?
Went off is used as a shorter version of the phrase, went off like children chasing a flock of wild turkeys.
17. When it’s called drive through – why do we have to do so much stopping and waiting?
Its all about the upsell ? the longer youre waiting, the more hungry youll be, and the more youll order.
18. Why is it called getting your dog fixed when that’s clearly not the outcome you’re after?
Why are there two number 18s?
18. Why does Henry like playing pool so much …
(From Henry) What happened to what happens in Singapore stays in Singapore?….
19. If a Lime is green and a Lemon is yellow – what went wrong when they were naming the Orange?
Orange was the final word created by the Romans, which is why it sounds like noises mashed together with no coherent flow. The academics were tired, so they used the same word for both the colour and the fruit.
20. Why is the name for a fear of long words hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
A practical joke to torment those with the fear itself
Fabulous.